I don’t really know how to start out this entry – I have a lot I’d like to write, but no real way to start it. I’m very glad I made it through the past week, so I suppose I could start there. It seems like each negative was then counteracted by a positive, and for that – I am grateful. With that being said, it seems like one thing after another was piled on top of me. Things I never expected to hear so soon – things I really didn’t have time to wrap my head around. So much confusion and negativity. So much RIDICULOUSNESS and so many emotions. I feel like I’ve been on a crazy rollercoaster all week long – and I’m glad for it to finally be over. I survived – and that’s all that matters right now. But like I said before, each negative was accompanied by a positive. Had it been a strictly NEGATIVE week, I would be curled up in the fetal position until Monday, only to hold back tears heading into work. But it wasn’t – I had MANY positives this week to bring me up when I had dropped down low.
Tuesday started out as well as any Tuesday would start, after the type of Monday I had. It ended much differently than I had anticipated, and I got the best kickboxing workout of my LIFE. Some things are hard to understand, and I have found an outlet for my aggression and confusion – working out. It used to be something I did because I had to – after being involved in athletics for years, a workout was just a continuation of a practice or game. Into college, it didn’t change much – I did some intramurals and worked out occasionally, but really just something to pass the time. I got back into a program and loved it, and made it to every class because I had someone who would be meeting me there. But things change, as did my workouts – but now I’m glad to be back on track. Something I look forward to doing each day I am able. I ended my Tuesday post-workout with another phone date, two actually. I’m so thankful for the amazing friends I have. They are there for me, no questions asked. Sure I may get the occasional “you’re an idiot, what are you doing” but I’d expect that from any of my friends. With the “negatives” I’ve been a part of lately, it’s even better that I have them all around me. Near or far, they are here. Just a phone call away. Love you all – thank you so much for helping me and being there for me. You know I’m here for you too – no matter the circumstances.
Anyway – I’d hoped Wednesday would be better than Tuesday. It started out just as crazy as the previous two days, with plenty of time to think (pretty busy clinic day so I was alone a lot) about what is happening with my life. Wednesday night was book club though – and I knew I had to concentrate on that in order for it to run smoothly. We had a new addition to the group – hooray! Another night of great conversation, book talks, and just a night to forget. Or a night to discuss – either way. Back to a positive following a negative, I reconnected with an old friend this week. It’s great how small of a world it is, where someone from your past can come back into your life and you can move forward from there. Sometimes that isn’t the best thing and sometimes it’s just INSANE – but that’s a story for a different time J Back to book club… my new/old friend will be joining us in our next book club meeting next month! The more the merrier… you can never have too many gals gathered together talking about books!
As far as Thursday goes, I wasn’t really sure what it would bring. It was a day I would have celebrated before, but didn’t get the chance to this year. I think I’m grateful, but yet it’s hard. It’s something you’d already done and had planned on doing forever, but now – well, you just don’t know. Anyway… back to the rest of my Thursday. I was ready for another hard work out, and I definitely got it. I was still sore from Tuesday’s kick ass workout, but I knew this one would hurt just as bad. After 10,000 squats – my legs were jell-o. My arms were shaking from the body weight work and the hundreds of push-ups. I’m exaggerating the numbers – but seriously, we did a LOT of those. Came home for a relaxing night – actually pretty uneventful. Except for the viewing of Pitch Perfect – again. Had a wonderful sister date with wine and leftover buffalo chicken dip (by the way I forgot to mention – two NEW recipes for book club the previous note… both successful! I’m taking this cooking/baking thing seriously – I’ll be good at it before I know it!) Love my sister for being a rock for me too – I’m so happy she’s back from being on the other side of the world with me, but now she’s back at school and not hanging out with me every night. But two hours away is better than being in a different time zone with 10 hours difference.
When it was FINALLY Friday – I could not have been happier. I had made it through the week. Quite possibly one of the hardest weeks of my life – and that’s saying a lot. It was more mentally exhausting than anything else – but I had made it. And to reward myself for strengthening my brain, I decided to try a new class. I tried out a sculpting yoga class. I read about it online, and it was a mix of cardio, weights, as well as an introduction to a HOT yoga class. I was TERRIFIED. But also super excited – it’s something new and challenging I hadn’t tried before – and by that point, I was game for anything. So – I got there early, met the instructor and settled in. I guess I didn’t take into account that an “introduction to HOT yoga” actually meant “the room will be 90 degrees and you’re going to sweat your ass off during a warm up.” Now for those of you who know me well, I sweat like a beast as it is. Getting thrown in a room that starts out 90 degrees and then working out in it for an hour is seriously awful. I sweat through my entire outfit and when the instructor told us to take our arms wide and off our mats to do pushups, the girl next to me (sweating equally as much as me) and I looked at each other and laughed because there was NOT A CHANCE that we would take our hands off the mat for fear of slipping and smacking our faces onto the ground. No thank you. That class was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. Again with the squats – good lord. Our instructor said it was the “year of the rear.” Well if I don’t have the best looking ass around, I will be PISSED. I think these people are trying to kill me. After class, I spoke with a member at the gym (where I work) and he had mentioned how there was an instructor in town who would be teaching a class Saturday morning and asked if I was going. I hadn’t really planned on it, but after he told me that it would “change my life” by going to his class, I HAD to go.
Saturday morning I gathered my aching body out of bed, got dressed and headed for the East Village to partake in this “life changing” event. After driving around for 10 minutes to find the place, I finally went in to secure a place near the back of the room where I wouldn’t look like a complete newbie. I received a very warm, thankful welcome from Justin – the ex-cage fighting Yogi. He was covered in tattoos, wasn’t your typical “yoga” man, and actually looked terrifying. And as we went through class, the member at the gym was right – seriously LIFE CHANGING. Justin has amazing energy and you could feel it surging through the room as he spoke. He exuded confidence, and not in the cocky way that it usually shows in someone. It was so powerful, I found myself nearly in tears a few different times during the class. The part that registered the most to me came at the end of the class. He spoke about how you cannot think about the past or the future – you can only live in the now. What’s happened has happened, and what will happen in the future, will happen and there’s nothing you can do. You must live and flourish in the now. The only thing holding you back from moving through the now and into the future – is yourself. As the waterworks tried to begin, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He was right – this is my life, my now. To become who I want to be, means I cannot dwell on what has happened or what will happen. Live for the now – and I intend to follow through with that.
I bet you’re wondering why I titled this entry “Binging and Purging.” No – I have not gotten into an eating disorder. I love food too much to throw it back up. What a waste. It was more of a metaphor – binging and purging things in my life. I am “binging” (if you will) on the positives in my life – such as friends, family, food, new experiences, opportunities, etc. I am “purging” the negatives from my life. I know life will always have some type of negative to accompany it, but I want to focus on the positives. I spent the rest of Saturday with my beautiful, pregnant friend – catching up on everything that’s been going on in our lives and where to go from here. I hadn’t seen her since her wedding in June and this was MUCH needed for us. We talk all the time, but spending time together, one-on-one, is so much better. This week was a learning experience – and I know it will only help me grow in the end. But what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger (thanks Kelly Clarkson) and I’ll continue to move on.
As I said in my last entry… I’m going to end them with a quote from now on. My quote for today comes from an unknown author (and also found on Pinterest – go figure.)
“An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.”
On that note – I’m out for the day. I’m hoping to get more than one entry in a week, so mentally prepare yourselves for the ridiculousness that I’m POSITIVE will ensue as I continue to write.
Focus and keep aiming –
Sara
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